In the month of December I’m going to be featuring some very special stories. Stories with some beautiful and courageous families. I hope you will join me every Thursday (and some Tuesdays!) for a new series.
Today I’m excited to share with you Tyler’s story…..
Adoption After Infertility: Hope After Heartache
Our journey to parenthood started with heartache, brokenness and grief but has become a story of redemption, love and hope.
Our daughter, Isabel Grace, came into the world and into our arms on Feb 12th, 2015. Years of prayer came to fruition the day our lives finally collided. Although we witnessed our daughter’s birth and met her in a hospital room like parents usually do, our story isn’t as simple as most. Our daughter came to us through adoption. Although our road to parenthood was different and more difficult than we ever expected it would be, the struggles we faced along the way ultimately made our faith stronger, our love more fierce and our joy deeper.
When my husband Cary and I got married in 2012, we knew we wanted a big family & didn’t wait long before trying to have our first child. We were young and healthy, so like most couples, we assumed we would be pregnant within months. As the months passed with negative pregnancy test after negative test, I knew in my heart something wasn’t right. This exact week 2 years ago, after we had been trying to conceive for about a year, we had some tests run and received our infertility diagnosis. The days and weeks that followed our diagnosis were dark. We saw a specialist and attempted a few rounds of fertility treatment. The treatment didn’t work and we didn’t have peace about continuing with it. As the months passed, I went through the stages of grief painfully & slowly, before finally finding myself ready to embrace the stage of acceptance. Accepting infertility as our cross allowed me to move forward with my life. Acceptance also allowed me to consider the future of our family in a new way, and it helped me open my heart to a new dream: adoption.
When we first started seriously considering adoption, it scared me a little bit. For so long, I had desired a biological child and I worried if I would be able to let go of that dream and fully embrace adoption. I was overwhelmed by the process and unsure how to navigate it all. All I could see initially were the ways adoption could go wrong. After weeks of prayer, research, conversation and soul-searching, my husband and I laid our plans down before the Lord and asked Him to take over. That’s when everything changed. All of a sudden I went from scared and overwhelmed to filled with joy, peace and confidence that God was calling us to adoption. As we started the process and started praying daily for our baby-to-be, my doubt disappeared and the Lord filled me with hope and joy. I knew in my heart adoption was the God’s plan for our family and never looked back.
When Isabel was born, I looked at her tiny face for the first time and everything inside of me grew still…I knew with every fiber of my being that I was created to know and love her. As I held her in my arms for the first time, our long journey to parenthood finally made perfect sense. The infertility and the adoption process, the wait and the pain, the desire and the dreams, the hope and the heartache…it was all part of the Lord’s plan to bring Isabel, my daughter, to me.
Our precious girl is 10 months old now. Every day with her is filled with such joy. Sometimes, in the quiet moments of the day, between the feedings, kisses, diaper changes and play times, I’ll have a moment where I remember what it felt like to only have hope for a child to call my own. Whenever we received our infertility diagnosis, I felt like God had cursed or abandoned us. Now I can see His blessings and purpose for us in it. Two years ago, I could never have imagined I would ever be able to say that and actually mean it. The Lord has used Isabel to heal my heart and fulfill my deep desire to be a mother. Every time I look at her, my heart fills with joy… I see my daughter, the greatest and most precious blessing of my life and I am reminded of His faithfulness. When I look into her beautiful sparkling brown eyes, I may not see my blue eyes looking back at me, but I do see unconditional love and the deepest joys and desires of my heart reflected. When I pass a mirror and see Isabel’s dark hair contrasted next to my blonde hair, I am reminded of the mysterious and beautiful way the Lord answered our prayers for a child. I look at my daughter’s precious face everyday and I see God’s amazing grace written all over our story.
The reality that our bodies are broken is still painful to deal with at times. Grief is still flares up from time to time in different forms, and although right now the pain of infertility is distant, it still lingers and always will. Infertility still affects my life, my emotions, my walk with God & my marriage, but it doesn’t have a grip on me like it did before we decided to pursue adoption.
I was recently asked if adopting has helped me with the pain of infertility. My answer came easily: yes. The longing I had to be a mother has been fulfilled through adoption. The pain of infertility dulled when we decided to adopt and faded significantly when Isabel was born. Our infertility diagnosis has ultimately opened doors that we would never have walked through without it…
Infertility led us to adoption, which led to us to Isabel…who has brought the deepest joy to our hearts and lives. Our infertility and adoption journey led us to seek the Father’s heart and will in ways we otherwise might have never done. When I look at my beautiful daughter, I see a purpose for our infertility. Adoption has been such an amazing blessing to our family, we feel like it’s the avenue God is going to use to bring our next child to us. Even though we will have to struggle and fight to continue to grow our family, we have peace and joy in the midst of the battles. Having to fight so hard for our little ones has given us a deeper appreciation for the gift of parenthood. We don’t take a day for granted and are continually amazed that the Lord blessed us with the honor of loving our and caring for our precious Isabel Grace.
I know God’s will is being fulfilled for our family through adoption & I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything. I am excited to see what God continues to do as we prepare to adopt again!
To read more about our infertility diagnosis & adoption journey, visit our blog: http://theadventuresofbabyk.blogspot.com
& follow us on Instagram:
@theadventuresofbabyk & @fundraisingforbabyk
We are fundraising for our next adoption, if you would like to donate or follow along for more fundraising updates, visit our YouCaring page:
https://www.youcaring.com/cary-tyler-koch-478852
We also have an Etsy shop, which is currently on vacation but will re-open the first week of January. All proceeds go toward our second adoption expenses:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/theadventuresofbabyk?ref=hdr_shop_menu
I love to connect with others who are walking through infertility or pursuing adoption. If you’d like to reach out, please don’t hesitate to email me: tylergordykoch@gmail.com
To those of you still waiting, still hurting, still daring to hope…I pray this post will be an encouragement to you. I hope you will read it & know that there is purpose behind the wait for your child… God is near, He can be trusted, He does hear you… Continue to dig deep into His promises through the hard times. I don’t know where you are in your journey with infertility or adoption. I don’t know what pain you’ve endured or what loss you’ve suffered. I may not be able to understand your specific struggles or know what it’s like to be in your situation, but I do know what it’s like to feel broken, lose hope & be a mess inside. I pray my story & my words offer you hope. I can testify that when you invite God into your broken places, He brings healing to your heart & hope to your life.
God bless & Merry Christmas,
Tyler
Photos by:
Elizabeth LaRoche http://elizabethlarochephotography.pixieset.com
Eva Cranford http://evacranford.com
Carolynn Seibert http://carolynnseibertphotography.pixieset.com
Jen Menard http://jenmenard.pixieset.com
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You can other “Adoption After Infertility” stories:
Kelly’s story here
Jen’s story here
You might also like:
The nature of this topic is one of hurt and silence. I pray this series opens up good discussion with a wealth of kind words.
Please share your own story below. I read every comment and value your opinion. However, if unkind or hurtful words find their way here, they will be deleted.
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For the month of December, I’ll be featuring….Grace Upon Grace Prints
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