As we traveled home from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital last month, I wondered why the tears were coming so easily. We didn’t have answers, but we had met with a specialist. For the first time we had a name for our daughter’ special need. Twenty months had passed before we had this name. For twenty months I wrestled between wanting to have a diagnosis, to working towards accepting the fact we may never know her complete medical history. I had come to the conclusion we just would never know. Until I talked with a momma in the waiting room of my daughter’s therapy. After hearing our story, she suggested we see a specialist for a second opinion.
So I called. We went. And suddenly a new door was slung open. A word to help explain her. A word to help answer the intrusive questions of, “what’s wrong with her?” A word to help give her confidence. To help her know she isn’t alone, or different, or unknown.
For a momma, the moment driving home was an amazing feeling. Relief, gratitude, and just plain thankfulness to the Father. As soon as my husband and I began to think about it all, we went back to 20 months ago. If that word had always been a part of her story from the beginning, would I feel the same?
No. I can answer that question. I would have wept in grief, loss, and utter disappointment if this SAME EXACT TERM was always a part of her picture. Instead, the Lord protected, guided, and lead me down the path of unknown before revealing it. And I will always be grateful. I was able to fall in love with her without a label. I was able to see her more clearly when her medical needs were listed as “unknown.” I could trust more fully God’s hand looking back knowing He always knew – but I just wasn’t ready to know.
God knew I needed the medical term now, not 20 months ago. So when we have the word, and a possible diagnosis in the future, I am able to embrace it with joy. Joy was coming, I just didn’t know it. I prayed and prayed for joy at the beginning of March 2015. I begged to feel peace and see the joy. Instead, I needed to walk through the waters of unknown. Joy didn’t come right away.
Today joy has come. I am joyful and excited and the peace wraps itself around me today. Because the unknowns helped me learn to cling to the Father when the joy wasn’t there. Because the feelings of love needed room to grow without the cloud of medical terms. God knew. He knew I needed to wait, even if I resisted and fought the waiting, He knew best.
Our Father knows best. Sometimes He allows a period of unknown waiting because joy is coming. Full joy is found in abiding. Isn’t that what Jesus says? I pray you can find joy in the waiting, but even if you can’t – that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up if joy doesn’t come today in the middle of the unknown answers. God doesn’t ask us to walk through the valley forever. The sun will shine again.
I encourage you to read a few verses on joy:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. Galatians 5:22
These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. John 15:11
Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. John 16:24
If you are in a season of waiting, hard diagnosis, or a place of unknown, can I pray for you? Send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to pray for you. Also, I want to offer you something to help. Sutdying God’s Word was my life-line during our season of waiting and the hard year of parenting our adoptive daughter. My steps for starting your Bible study habit can get you started TODAY. Sign up here to get them for free. Other Bible study freebies will make their way into your inbox as well.
As a special bonus, you will be the first to receive the news when my Brand-New Bible Study releases SOON!! The Glorious Ordinary is releasing on November 30! Yes, I wrote a 9-week in-depth Bible study for living in the daily. Check out this page for more details!