We are on week eleven of waiting for a referral for our adoption. With Liana we waited only two weeks. We were told both times it would be up to six months for a wait, and were so incredibly surprised when our social worker called just two weeks into the wait. Jason had just taken the kids to the park. I called him immediately and he rushed home so we could open our email and look over the file. The rest, they say, is history.
For this adoption, I didn’t expect a referral in two weeks, but let’s be honest, I hoped it would be around two or at the most four weeks. Ever since Christmas, I’ve had a little secret prayer. I’m ashamed to admit it because its a little selfish…..
Lord, we are ready now, for a referral. Anytime You want to send our little boy our way, we are ready (like last week….)
That’s right…..last week is when I was ready. I’m back to dreading the weekends again. I remember when we were in the first adoption process I dreaded the weekends. No matter what stage we were in, I wanted it to go faster. So the weekends (when nobody works) were just long and endless.
I’m not happy to be back at dreading the weekends, and I have to say I’m not the same waiting woman I was then. So I do find the waiting a little less painful. Some days are better than others though.
Yesterday was a hard day. We aren’t really moving ahead (it feels). And my prayers for a file seemed unanswered. So of course I read Psalm 10….“Why O Lord, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in trouble?” YES! That was me. I felt like God was hiding from me. He felt far away, and not connected to this process at ALL. I felt so close to Him during the first adoption, but this 2nd time around, I felt alone and He hasn’t felt close.
God, don’t you see!? We are ready for our little boy! Liana is walking, learning to go potty, and summer would be the PERFECT time to travel!
So then I read on….“But you do see…you have been the helper of the fatherless.”
Yes, how arrogant and foolish of me to ask God, do you see? Of course He sees. He is the helper of the fatherless. He is in the thick of this adoption, more than I could ever imagine.
And of course we can spout off sentiments like…
God’s got this!
In His timing.
He has it all planned out.
Your little boy is out there.
My heart sometimes doesn’t need a sentiment, it needs something to hold onto. A rock. A promise to keep in my pocket. My little girl loves to collect little things and put them in small little boxes, pouches, or bags. Her treasures range from costume jewelry to small rocks. Pieces of things she feels are important enough to keep.
So yesterday, God gave me the perfect little treasure to keep in my pocket. God sees. That’s it. It was what I needed to remember. He is not looking away, no matter how it might feel like that is true. God isn’t missing a single thing about my life (or yours). He is watching. Closely and intently watching over us….especially those who are poor and needy.
God sees. If He sees, He knows. If He knows, He cares. And if He cares, I can rest in His love and His timing. Is it easy? No way! But let me hold on to the promise of: “God sees” for just one more day. God sees me today. God sees my little boy as well. Somewhere in China sleeps a small little boy who belongs to us….and God sees Him.
God sees you.
The pain from illness.
The hurt of divorce.
The suffering of a loved one.
The unending wait.
God sees YOU. He sees ME. And He will keep us safe, no matter the storm, waiting, or trial. He sees us and loves us so.
You, O LORD, will keep them. – Psalm 11:7
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