When There Is Too Much Pain in the World
Cancer. Death. Sickness. No answer. More waiting. Surgeries. Heartache of a magnitude my soul had never felt. The news was divesting. Babies dissected alive. Families torn apart. When there is too much pain in the world, how do you look beyond yourself and DO something about it?
You can’t enter into the grief of ALL the people in the world…..but there are people in your life who are hurting and need your comfort.
I’m not sure what possessed me to pick up the book Rare Bird to read. I sat down and read the book in three days. Wept. Laughed. Wept again. Anna’s story about her son Jack and a year of intense grief was a hard read. I’m so glad I read it. It taught me one thing: to lean into the grief of others. One thing God used to help Anna walk the road of grief was friends who came along side her and leaned into her grief. They didn’t just fix meals or hang ribbons on their mailboxes. They called her. Texted her. And wept with her. Those friends held onto that grief and sat with her in silence.
After reading Anna’s book, I found that when grief comes to someone I know, one of the main things I can give is myself. I can walk into their grief. I can cry tears for them. I can put myself in their shoes and feel all the grief. I can send an email. A text. A hand-written note. Let them know I’m praying. And that I’m entering into their grief with them.
Liz Curtis Higgs wrote a great article for (in)courage: What Not to Say (When You Gotta Say Something). She spoke on how to respond to people who are grieving. One thing she mentioned was: “Weep with those who weep {Romans 12:15}. Not everyone has a ministry of tears, but if you do, bring tissues.” I’m not sure if I have the “ministry of tears” – but I do have the ministry of words.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like I don’t really know what to say to someone when a tragedy occurs. I want to say, I’ll pray for you. But sometimes it seems too cliché. Prayer is definitely needed. I’m not going to stop praying. But when I don’t have the words, I sit for a minute and put myself in their shoes. I imagine the tragedy happening to me. I feel the hurt. I feel the pain. I feel the loss, and then I ask myself, What would I want to hear right now?
Your close friend who is struggling in her marriage. Call her. Weep with her. Make her cookies. Send her a gift card. Sit with her and just feel the grief with her. Anna said the friends who were truly there for her were the friends who took on the grief and walked alongside her.
The person you know only through Facebook, send them a message. Tell them you are praying. You don’t have to offer to help. Just let them know God loves them. Ask God to give you a scripture for them. Don’t expect a response. Just put the words out there and let God use His Words.
I know a lot of people who are hurting. A lot. It can be overwhelming to think about it all. My first response is to pull away. Recently, a friend I have known for awhile received some devastating news. When I first heard of her situation, my natural response was to pull away. I wanted to send a quick, “I’m sorry. I’m praying.” Instead, I immersed myself in her grief, even if it was just for a moment, and with a weeping heart I sent her a message: “God loves you and He sees you. He hasn’t forgotten about you.”
Don’t hide away from the pain. Walk through the door of their life. Grab a hand. Sit on the couch. Lean into them. Cry with them. Sit with them. Pray for them. Join in their grief. A living heart is one reaching out to touch others in their grief.
2 Corinthians 1:4 – “ He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.”
Please comment below! I read every comment and value your opinion.
Whose grief could you lean into today? Comment with his/her first name and I’ll say a prayer for BOTH of you. What can you do TODAY or THIS WEEK to show that person you care and love them?
Make sure you check out….
When Death Comes and Thoughts for a Sad October
Five Steps for Finding (And Keeping) Friendships
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Wow! What an important topic – grief! Leaning into grief for ourselves, is hard enough, but doing so for others can be so much harder sometimes. But, it is also necessary. Sometimes, that’s the best thing that we can do with/for another is to be there, be fully present, and allow them to grieve when/how they need while we support their grief in whatever ways we can. 🙂
P.S. I, too, loved Rare Bird and the utter truths contained in their family’s story.
Yes! Although a hard read, I must read for everyone who has been touched by grief….which is everyone! I agree that grief is HARD. Learning together and leaning together is so important.
So powerful! I lost my dad to cancer and I feel like he has given me such empathy through that. Sometimes I still don’t know what to say, but I know he has given me the gift of tears and just being able to grieve with them. Sometimes its so hard when SO many are hurting. I just read “the hardest peace” so good. Thanks again for the encouraging word!
Good post. I worked as a Hospice Nurse before retiring and helping people with their grief or pending death is difficult but soooo necessary. I am praying and helping my daughter, Melanie, with her grief about changes in her life due to her health. Thank you for offering to pray for her. 🙂
Yes, Susan…I will be praying for Melanie!
This was a wonderful post. I always want to say “I’ll pray for you” too but you’re right, it does sound almost cliche. I know for me, a listening ear and action (i.e. bringing a casserole, or picking up some miscellaneous sundries like tissues and toilet paper) speaks so loudly.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely evening.
xoxo
Sarah, thanks for this post as I have a hard time knowing how to grieve or at least it takes alot of sinking in before grieving with someone. I would say as for grieving, I would say my husband as we are grieving the prospect of him finding another job and leaving the place he has been at a few years. While he is ready to move on, I know he has friends there that he will have to leave but financially we need this move, I need this move too so prayer that He finds something more reliable and most importantly what God wants for Him would be amazing! Thanks friend!
Thank you for linking up to “Bloggers Who Have INspired Me”
Rachel xo
Garay Treasures
Thank you for these words. So needed as this has been a summer of personal grief as well as worldly grief. I sit here struggling to breath from the weight of it all. It is so comforting to read your words and be reminded that tears can be a part of caring foe our God’s world. I hurt, I pray.
I have come across the book Rare Bird, but am not sure I could read it.
I often have trouble knowing what to say. I sometimes fear that it will come across that I do not care, when my heart aches for them. I just don’t always know how to best help them or encourage them. Thanks for this post.
I will be featuring on next week’s Tuesday Talk.
Emily – Thanks for the feature next week! Rare Bird was a HARD read….so hard. I cried a lot. But I am so glad I did. It really took me into someone who experienced loss and gave me a great perspective on grief.