Is Love Supposed to be Hard?

Is Love Supposed to be Hard?

Love is supposed to feel hard. After over eighteen years of marriage, five children, and myriad of friendships come and gone I can honestly say: love is hard. 

There is a lie in the world out there that says love is easy. If you love someone it should be easy. The Bible tells us a different path. Love is not so trivial as to be easy. 

Can Love Be Easy? 

Are there people that are easy to love? I would say yes, love can be easy and sometimes people are easy to love. There are times that my husband is easy to love. There are friends who are easy to love. But eventually everyone lets us down. In the end we love people who are not perfect. And we aren’t perfect. 

Loving God should be easy.

We would think that even loving the Perfect Father would be easy, but we are not perfect and we cannot love God easily either. Not because He is hard to love, but we are sinful humans with fickle hearts. 

Love, according to the Bible, is more than just a feeling. Feeling is an action and a determination. Loving someone just as they are isn’t a small thing. It takes three things to love someone for the long haul. 

1. Grace. Forgiveness and grace must be present for ourselves and that person. 
2. Time. Life must be lived and experiences had before we see the beauty of love. 
3. Change. As we walk in grace through time we will change and loving that person through the change is key. 

Things Change

I am not the person my husband married nor is he. We have changed in almost nineteen years, but we have walked together in grace through trials and changed together. 

This goes for friendships as well. Friendships change and mold and move around. There will be only 1-2 friends that will be lifelong friends, the rest will be there for seasons. Knowing this frees us from disappointment and discouragement when friendships end. 

I heard the analogy once that as we move through our lives there will always be people coming and going. At some point, as we drive through life, people will get out of our car. We will stop doing everyday life with those people. We don’t see them regularly and we don’t talk anymore. We can still love those people and keep them in our hearts, but they have left the car. It is ok to say goodbye. 

Some people will ride in our car for years and years before exiting. Others will only be in our car for a few months. Both are acceptable.

What is Love?

Love isn’t about whether it is easy to love or who is hard to love. Love is what 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

In context, these verses remind us that love is about using our spiritual gifts to build up and equip the church. Love is about maturing and growing. Notice that Paul states what love is NOT to tell us what love is. 

Love is not envious…..love is genuinely happy for those who have something we want. 

Love is not boastful……love speaks of others and builds others up.

Love is not proud…..love is humble. 

Love does not dishonor….love honors. 

Love does not self-seek…..love seeks to serve others.

Love does not get angry…..love tempers angry and guards against it. 

Love does not keep a record…..love forgives. 

Love does not delight in evil…..love rejoices with truth. 

The Most Important Commandment

Love never fails. Love itself is the spiritual gift that matters most. But love is not easy. Love is hard, but loving others is what Jesus said is the most important in John 13:34-35:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Notice that the only way we can truly love is to catch what Jesus says in verse 34. He says, “Just as I have loved you…” How has Jesus loved us? 

Jesus’ love….” protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. “ (1 Corinthians 13:8) Jesus’ love can pour into our hearts so we are free to love others. If love feels hard today, go back to the Savior. Go back to the Shepherd and fill yourself with love from Him. 

Shepherd of Love by John W. Peterson

Shepherd of love,
You knew I had lost my way;
Shepherd of love,
You cared that I’d gone astray.Refrain
You sought and found me, placed around me
Strong arms that carried me home;
No foe can harm me or alarm me,
Never again will I roam.
Shepherd of love,
Saviour and Lord and Guide;
Shepherd of love,
Forever I’ll stay by Your side.