It’s Ok Not to Be Ok

It’s Ok Not to Be Ok

*This devotional first appeared on Living by Design.

The day started off wrong. My alarm didn’t go off, and my children were awake before the coffee had started brewing. I was already frustrated, and I didn’t even know why. With small children, the house is filled with laughter and joy, but also work and messes. 

What I wish someone would have told me those years ago was this: It’s okay not to be okay. 

It’s OK to Not Be OK

The days last for miles. Endless trips up and down the stairs stretch your heart until you feel invisible. I had asked for this motherhood gig. I had prayed and dreamed of the days I would hold my babies. But after postpartum depression and the fatigue of waking up with a newborn, who would hold me?

I didn’t know that it’s okay not to be okay. 

Even though it was God’s plan, it was too hard. Too much. And I felt like I wasn’t enough. The enemy whispered untruths into my ear like, “Just have faith. Just try harder. Just be happy.” My heart didn’t turn around, and pictures of Christian mothers smiling all over my phone didn’t help. The problem seemed to be me. I didn’t see how the “problem” of feeling “not okay” was actually a secret blessing—a gift from the hands of the loving Father. 

Struggling to get out of bed today, I sighed. My alarm had gone off. All of my children slept through the night, and they no longer needed help with breakfast.  Why does my heart still hold sadness and depression linger? As I thought about this 15 years into my parenting journey, I saw three beautiful things. 

Truth #1 – Depression didn’t come because I was a bad mother. 

Sadness didn’t linger because I was somehow not doing the “right” thing. Sometimes, life is filled with heartache, and the fog is dense inside our heads. What got me out of bed this morning and helped me come to my computer to do work was this truth: there is more than we can see. 

Truth #2 – I am not okay today, but that’s alright because God provides best when we’re not okay. 

God will provide all we need physically (Phil 4:19). He also speaks about our souls; He will supply every need of our souls according to His riches (Ps 68:19). God provides for our needs daily, and this doesn’t just mean food on the table. When we’re not okay, we can look to God to fill our empty hands. The more we fill it with self-sufficiency, unproductive work, distractions, or endless entertainment, the less we can be filled with God’s goodness. This goodness might mean our strength is gone. Our patience is at the end, or our sorrow overwhelms us. 

It’s okay not to be okay because it’s then we see God work in our hearts. Paul says he is thankful for his weakness because in it God’s grace shines brighter (2 Cor 12:7). Grace shows up when we allow ourselves to be empty. 

How does this happen?  It happens when we first whisper the words, “I’m not okay, and that’s okay.” Then we open up God’s Word and read how God’s goodness is stored up for us (Ps 31:19) and how God never leaves us (Heb 13:5). If our day started with all kinds of wrong and we wonder if it can get back on track, let’s stop saying we’re okay.

Truth #3 – It’s okay to sit with the grief, and ask God to sit with you (Mi 7:8). 

God isn’t afraid of our sorrow. In fact, our weakness draws Him closer. While we dwell in the heartache, let’s reach for God in prayer. Seek His face, and He will be found (Ps 34:7; Ps 145:19). As we place one foot in front of the other, let’s spend today soaking in the truth that God is enough. His grace, strength, and peace can be found today. 

Feel the empty space, then fill it with truth from God’s Word. Don’t worry when life is messy. Instead, say this truth: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” – Isaiah 26:3-4 ESV