What Do We Do When Our Faith feels Small?
The Ending is the Beginning
I’ve always loved the ending to S. E. Hilton’s “The Outsiders.” It’s been years since I’ve read it, but that circular ending just stuck with me. The ending is beginning, and they mirror each other. When I sat down to write one of my books, I knew it was going to be the same. That sort of ending is poetic and wraps up the narrative well.
For those who might not be familiar with my book, it’s titled Prayers from the Valley. It’s the true story of a dark time in my life, where my daughter Katarina came down with a rare disorder caused by COVID-19 called MIS-C.
Although it is about Katarina, it is really about me. Well, to be truthful, it’s about God working on me, making me into someone different through that dark time.
I wrote a short epilogue for the book. It was about the conversation I had just had with my wife while sitting on the beach, about a year after the events in the book. When I added it to the end of the book, it felt like it really brought everything home.
Footprints in the Sand
The epilogue references the poem, Foot Prints in the Sand. The poem is pretty famous and details a person basically complaining to God that there are only one set of footprints in the sand, believing God had abandoned them in their times of trouble. It turns out, that was when God had carried them. I end the book with my wife and I taking a walk down the beach, and I comment that there was only one set of footprints.
Recently, Alicia (my wife) and I were having a discussion about a family issue. We hadn’t come to a resolution about what to do, save to continue in prayer about the issue. That didn’t sit right with me. I felt angry with the lack of a “real” solution. So I got up from the bed, still heavy with worry, doubt, and fear.
And then the Lord checked me. A profound sadness entered into me when He pointed out my lack of faith. I turned back to my wife, my head hung in shame.
Sometimes Everything is Ok
“Sometimes,” I said, finally looking up, several tears breaking loose, “you have to be okay with there being only one set of footprints.”
That truth is still sitting like a stone in my stomach, upsetting me, and reminding me it’s still there. Faith isn’t about being strong enough to walk alone, or about knowing all the answers, or finding all the solutions. It’s about being humble enough to let God carry you. Most of us, if we’re honest, fight Him on that. We want control, even when the weight is too heavy to carry on our own. But the footprints remind me that surrender to Him isn’t weakness. It’s worship.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:6-7 (HCSB)
Sometimes, that’s all the faith you should handle – to be okay with there being only one set of footprints.
D. Michl Lowe is a Christian, school counselor, and writer. He lives in Charleston, WV with his wife Alicia and three children. He writes during his time off from school during the holiday breaks and hopes to one day be able to finish his fantasy novel. He also enjoys watching old Godzilla movies with the terrible English dubs turned on. Check out his website here. And his book here.
