Feeling Lost in Front of the Lobsters

What kind of cereal do you want, Jack? I looked around to find the space next to me empty. My eyes darted up and down the breakfast aisle in our grocery store. Grabbing the cart with my other boy tucked safety inside, I turned the corner.

That panicky feeling crept from my stomach to my neck. I felt the hot flash of frustration, embarrassment, and then horrible dread. I kept walking down the end of the aisles. Suddenly, I saw him. Checking out the lobsters in the seafood section. He was only lost for a few seconds. He didn’t even know he had been lost. But I did. I looked at my son and suddenly I saw myself.

As a mom of a toddler and baby, my arms ached from holding them while I fixed breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Everyday. All day. There were dark circles under my eyes and yawns came frequently. My hair was a wreck. My pants were my last clean pair. And my heart was still learning to grieve the death of my grandmother a few months prior.

Entertaining two boys during the day left me falling into bed with little to no connection with my husband. I was doing all of the Bible study. And reading all of the good books. But my heart was a still a little…..sad? Lonely? Empty? Just waiting.

Like the little the lamb in Jesus’ story. Waiting for my toddler to learn to potty train. I was just passing time, wishing the youngest would sleep through the night. I waited for Jesus to show up and rescue me.  I couldn’t attend or participate in much service, my hands were full at home. Did the lamb sit down and wait? Did he rest in the fact that the Shepherd was coming? Or did the lamb cry and run around frantically trying to fix the problem. Can we fix the problem of waiting?

How we feel about the waiting is all dependent on how it will end.  Will the test results be good? Will the little one leave the the NICU this week? Will my child return home to family and faith? Will we ever get approval to adopt? Will the court date be moved again? Moving forward and backward in life doesn’t feel like moving. It feels stuck. And lost.

Although Jesus is speaking about lost souls who are not saved, sometimes I feel like the lost lamb. I’m struggling in the briars. Waiting. I know truth.  I speak truth. But sometimes doubting seeps into my heart.  Suddenly, I don’t know what to do with myself. And I need the joy to settle deeper than my circumstances. In the in-bweeen times I’m not moving forward. I feel the strain of standing still.

I used to think that the in-between times were times I could still move forward and grow.  We will look back and see the growth. But not today. In the daily, its hard to see the growth. Its another day in the hospital. Another day waiting for an email. Or phone call.  Another day going through the motions. Another meal. Another pile of laundry. Another messy floor. Another sick child. Another day living.

// One Day at a Time //

Can you find joy in just today? Open a window. Turn on some music. Put your head down and do the task. For the next twenty minutes, do what needs to be done. Don’t avoid the necessary things. Then rest. Abide. Live in the beauty of today.

Jesus doesn’t call us to abide everyday – just today.

We can rejoice in the good. Grieve the pain.  Confess the sin. And praise our Savior. We get one life. Abide in a close, caring Shepherd. We are all running lost and searching, but the answers are found in the Good, Good Shepherd.

You are not lost. You are so loved. 

My prayer is to encourage you in this time? How are you struggling? Share below your request. I would love to lift you up in prayer. If you would like to just leave your name, I would be honored to lift you up to the Good Shepherd. 

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