What Do You Doubt About God?

The corn fields flashed quickly by as we traveled down the interstate. I chuckled at my son’s observations: Wow, that’s a lot of corn. That would make a lot of popcorn! We were coming home from a weekend trip to the zoo and waterpark. It was quiet on the drive home. Whether it was from exhaustion or an audiobook, my husband and I held hands in the front seat enjoying the silence. We looked at one another. I whispered, This trip could have ended so different. He nodded. I could feel the tears behind my eyes. We would still be there, he said. Talking to the police.

My mind went back just a few hours before our drive home. The waterpark was filled with people. It was packed. Every seat was taken with beach towels spread out on the grassy hills. Children ran and screamed in every direction. If you weren’t in the water, the late afternoon sun would drive you to the cool waves in less than ten minutes.

I was gathering up the towels and shoes so we could move to a different section of the park. The boys wanted to go to the wave pool one last time. I was soothing my oldest son, who’s suntan lotion was burning his skin. Then I was trying to explain to my fussy three and half year old that she had to sit in the front of the stroller and not the back of the stroller. My husband came back from the restrooms with our younger boy. He looked around, Where is Emmalia? he asked.

I spun around in frustration. I had told her to wait right here. We scanned the pool area and didn’t see her. Minutes ticked by. I pushed down the panic feelings again and again. After checking everywhere, my husband walked over to the wave pool. When he returned empty handed, I broke down and cried. We contacted security. I gathered the other three children and walked again towards the wave pool to look for her.

This can’t be my story, I told God inside my head. I pictured someone taking her. Away. In a car. Or worse. I don’t want this story. I don’t want this sadness….Please help us find her. As I walked through the maze of people with one less child by my side, I asked God: Are You good? I looked at my heart and knew, if she was gone forever, I would doubt His goodness. In that moment I spoke to my heart a truth I didn’t feel or even believe: No matter what, You are good. 

When we turned the corner, a security guard was walking towards us with a little girl in a pink bathing suit. Her eyes were wide and serious and the curls were wet and blond. I choked back tears. She was here and she was safe.

But what if she hadn’t been? What if she had never been found? Some children are never found. Some children have parents still waiting. So the doubts echo…..

Is God all-powerful?
Is God in control?
Is God with me?
Is God loving?

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. (Matthew 28)

Some doubted. Wait, what? The disciples doubted?! These men who had seen a countless number of miracles, doubted? The ones who had walked with Jesus on water, through storms, and even the valley of death, doubted? Christ had died and then rose again! They were first-hand witnesses to the greatest event in history – ever! But it says right there in Matthew: they doubted.

Whether they were doubting Jesus or doubting themselves, it says right there they questioned. They wondered: Is God really going to do what He says and is He really who He says He is?

And Jesus came and said to them: All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me….

The answer to our doubts is Jesus. Who He is. What He has down. The authority God has given to Jesu, is our ability to keep going, even when we doubt ourselves, circumstances, and the hardest hurt we will face.

And the final words Jesus spoke to His disciples, He speaks to us as well:

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

The answer to your doubts is Jesus is near. He has come to us, through the Person of the Holy Spirit and the power of God’s written word. Let the doubts silence themselves in the person of Jesus Christ.

As I ponder my own story, telling God in that panicked moment what I wanted and didn’t want to happen…..I can’t help but reflect on the fact that my God is still good. He is still loving. The only way I can face the moments of doubt is with confidence in who He is. He is truth, even when I don’t feel it. Even when the circumstances turn me around and leave me so wounded.

The reason I was able to speak truth, even when my heart and mind didn’t believe it, was because I’d been practicing truth. Practice it friend. Practice saying it. Write it out. For when the doubts come, you can then silence them with the truth of Jesus.

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Our faith in Christ is an amazing source of strength for our weary hearts. If you struggle with hope and finding peace for your daily life, let me encourage you to download my FREE e-book: Because of Faith. In it you will find encouragement to discover all we have in Christ! Download your own copy {{FREE}} here.

 

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