Three Truths When Love is Hard

Three Truths When Love is Hard

Dear Mom,

Loving our children is hard work. When love comes into our hearts we have in imagine of it happening suddenly. Falling in love with our children sometimes happens right away, but sometimes true love comes slow. One of the lessons I’ve learned from adoption is not one I would have predicted. 

NO matter how my children have been placed in my arms, whether in the OR with a blue curtain hiding the scar on my abdomen, or in a cold room in China, love has some slow for me.  Many women explain to me how when the baby was laid on their chest after hours of pushing, pulling, and pain – their heart just burst from their chests. 

When I was a new momma, I didn’t ave those feelings. At first I felt something was wrong with me. The guilt was watered with the tears of disappointment. Was the c-sections? Because my birth-babies didn’t burst from my heart with love unexplainable. 

Yes. I loved them before they entered the world. As I held my stomach before it even showed, I knew I loved the little life growing inside. It was a nieve love. It was a blind love. Not really love, but a feeling. A feeling which can change in a second. A deeper love began to grow on their birth days.

So when they were placed in my arms, after being sewed up and in a recovery room, I felt a love, but it was an infatuation. It was not the deep kind of love which comes with choices and time.

Growing love was something I never thought about, before our two adoptive children.  Love that grows is deeper. Like roots in a ground, it can happen even in the winter seasons. Even when the days are bleak, love grow sbecause love is not dependent on outward circumstances. 

Love that grows slowly and over time is lasting love. It is a love that comes after choices are made. Its the love that cleans up the vommit at 2am and a love that holds them while they hate and scream and cry. 

A deeper love is one that chooses to say: : “I love you” when the feelings say, “nope.” Love that is a choice is a deeper love. Love that chooses  over and over again will last longer.

Let me tell you, my love for all of my children are equal. Each child is unique and our love – journey has been different. From my first born, with all the mistakes as a mother, to my last little boy who tests my patience daily – I love them all. Maybe you need to see what I starting to see: growing love is a choice we make daily. 

Stop seeing love as a feeling and make it a choice.

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Are you struggling to love? Let me say this – stop seeing love as a feeling and make it a choice. Choose love. We can you know. How? Three truths to hold close to your heart when loving is hard. These are truths I have to hold on to. These are three truths I’ve discovered over the past few years of parenting struggling and marital woes. Storms look different, but when the enemy can attack truth, he most surely will attack these three truths.

Join me, when our feelings are out of wack and we seem like we can’t possibly love “that” person….hang on to these truths with your bare, white knuckles. I’ll be right beside you – keeping these truths close to my heart as well.

1. Jesus loves you enough. We all know Jesus loves us, but do we let Jesus’ love be enough? The world will say we must love ourselves before we love others. Instead, I tell you the Bible says to love Jesus and accept His love for you so you can love others. Jesus’ love is truly enough to heal and protect. How do I know? Because God healed my heart through the brokenness that came from a difficult marittal season.

2. Love is a choice. Feelings will come and go, like waves in a sea. The storms will come and wash away all of our love for each other, but when love is choice we can love the unloveable. Choose love. Making the choice in our minds is hard. Choosing love is harder than just feeling love. So when we choose love we are choosing a deeper love. How do I know? Because God taught me this during the time we adopted our children.

3. Love will grow. When Jesus is enough and we choose love, we grow a stronger kind of love. A deeper, bound in truth kind-of-love will blossom. Just like the plants I put into the soil above my sink, along the window sill, it will take time for love to grow. Time and patience. Don’t neglect the time. Don’t rush it. Love will awaken in the right time, His time. I promise. How do I know this? I have the fruit, plump and beautiful in my hands. A husband and five children hold my heart in a deep, wild way because love grows.