Why I Won’t Apologize for Motherhood
I’m a mother and I won’t apologize.
A few years ago I entered the adoption world and little did I know I would also get a peek inside a world I don’t belong to. The pain of infertility has never touched my life. I knew of women, I’ve become friends with women, and one of my favorite friend lost her infant son a couple of years ago. Loss in motherhood is more common than I imagined.
Motherhood was suddenly a topic I felt was a deeper thing than just having children (by adoption or birth). So many women suffer silently on Mother’s Day (and every other day as a matter of fact). Being a mother is a complicated thing. So I hid my joy of motherhood behind the “sensitivity” card. I’m finding this is not right. No matter what, the truth is still the same: I love motherhood! And I’m not ashamed of it. Sure, it is crazy complicated, but some truths about motherhood I’ve learned these past few years are:
If your child is no longer here on earth, you are still a mother.
If your child is grown, you are still a mother.
If your mother has been gone for years, you still think of her daily.
If your mother was absent, you can remember a woman who raised you.
If you’ve never lost a baby, you can still weep with those who do.
If you are a mother, stop apologizing.
Motherhood is entangled in a lot of emotions for me (and for many of you reading this). This year, though, I decided to not apologize in my post on Mother’s Day. Being a mother is something I’m learning and growing into, after a decade of this journey. Motherhood is more than just birthing babies, but I’m not going to pretend I’m not extremely grateful to God. He gave me the grace and ability to birth three beautiful babies. In the same breathe, I’m beyond humbled and thankful to have been given two beautiful babies who don’t look like me. No one can tell me those children (all five of them) are not 100% mine.
Being a mother is a tricky thing. It is forever evolving in my heart and life. Motherhood is tantrums, triumphs, and trusting. Trusting God to meet me here, in this beautiful place where grace is needed daily (hourly). Motherhood is different for everyone, but I will not apologize for being a mother who’s never lost a baby. It could easily still happen. My life (and the life of my children) are not a guarantee. But I’m still grateful in this moment. Right now.
Tweet ThisWhat I can promise you though, is motherhood is changing me to be more like Christ. Sometimes motherhood means discipleship. Sometimes motherhood is wrapped in desperate moments (Hello, toddler and newborn stage – I even wrote about you new moms a few years ago). Sometimes (most of the time) motherhood is dying to myself. A death of my will is necessary, and I’m painfully learning the idea of laying down my life as a sacrifice for others. This is worth me giving thanks to God for!
Motherhood is beautiful, breathtaking, and I’m going to stop asking for forgiveness from those who suffer on Mother’s Day. I can still rejoice in motherhood and remember your pain. I can rejoice in knowing God has given me this gift, and if I’m going to hide it away, apologize for it, then I’m missing a beautiful opportunity to show God glory! Giving Him praise can be done when I stop apologizing for motherhood and start rejoicing in Him for this amazing gift!
My motherhood moments differ with the days, and so today, I’m going to stop apologizing for motherhood and rejoice in these glorious ordinary moments:
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Beautifully written! I too have struggled with feeling like I need to apologize for being a mom because I remember hurting so much on Mothers Day when I was experiencing infertility. But you are so right, we give God glory when we rejoice in the gift of motherhood!